Disappeared

Today, I chose to be like magician and disappear. I’ve had my heart break like no other and the pain is real. I can’t sleep or really eat. I’m lost and I need to heal. One guy after another to hurt me. I helped by allowing it. “Marry me and let’s have a family.”, they said. I’m glad that didn’t happen. They all have moved on. I’m an after thought. It would have never worked. The marriage would have crumbled. I helped in then ending of those relationships but if I didn’t love them then I would have moved on just as quick.

I loved so much but I said little of how I felt. The pressure building of what they wanted and I felt rushed. I just wanted to breathe and collect my thoughts. I just wanted to see how I really felt. I wanted to escape the fog that consumed me. I’ve deleted all my social media apps and shutting everyone out. I’m going to let it all go and heal. I’m going to find me. Who am I anymore?