CASEY'S JOURNEY
Writer
Can we talk about fights and arguments? This is something I feel gets shoved under the rug and is to be forgotten. I want to clean house and put this on display. I want to talk to both ladies and gentlemen about this subject. This may be something more directed to the men but I am hoping I can reach you and make some sense about this.
So many broken relationships and failed marriages. Does that make us awful for this to occur? No, we’re flawed humans. Not everyone will be compatible. Not every relationship will work. Let’s explore why you lost her and how to keep her.
A poem about one's heart and how events can change the heart.
Dear Self,
I want to congratulate you on making it this far and realizing your worth. I’m sorry you had to go through so much pain and suffering that almost destroyed you. I’m sorry that your heart is too good, and your kindness as a weakness. I’m sorry that you didn’t see the wolves for what they really were.
Caution for falling in love.
This one is about giving yourself reminders of self love.
It’s one of those nights to where my mind drifts and I ponder about life. Lately, I’ve been on my best journey yet to self-discovery. For the longest time, I have wanted that teenage girl I used to be so innocent, untouched, carefree and always cautious. Now that I’m much older I want something I haven’t had yet. To love who I am for all my flaws and imperfections and to care less who loves me or will be by my side. Those that are the truest will never stray, any amount of time or distance they will never part from us.
Let’s talk about some dirty words like depression, bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, suicide, and I could go on. Why are these dirty words you're asking? There is a stigma with these words and no one wants to talk about any of it because of the ridicule, humiliation and nonstop judgment. Get a bar of soap and wash those filthy words out of your mouth.
I never loved someone as I did you. I never knew loving someone would be so exhausting to where I’d want my last breath. My heart poured out love and your valves were open and leaky. My love was escaping you and all I wanted was for it to course through your veins. I wanted my love for you to nourish your being and to be what you thirsted for. It was unreciprocated and lonely to be unloved and unwanted.
Have you had some trouble getting the person you want? Is it hard for you to figure out what he or she wants? Have you tried things your way and it isn’t working and you’re not sure why? Having a doubt about approaching him or her? Keep with me and I will give you some ideas and advice on how to get closer to getting that person you want.
I never knew how strong I was until I walked away without my son. A mother’s love knows no boundaries and she will take any measure to ensure her child’s safety, well-being, and overall health. My relationship with his father was unhealthy and my son witnessed the name calling, raising of voices, pushing, hitting, and he could feel the sadness. The relationship had been that way since the beginning and as time passed things progressed and changed. We took a break for almost a year—it was a mutual agreement after six years of the relationship. It did us good being away from each other though we still spoke and saw each other.
I must confess something I have been holding within. I no longer love you or want to be with you. The time has come for us to break up. I am ready for 2019 and for the better things to come with that relationship. I know you are hurt, sad, lost, confused and wondering where did all this come from. Let us travel back to January when Chandler turned one. I will be honest I wasn’t ready for him to turn one and I wasn’t prepared for all that entailed with that new age.
For those who personally know me would be baffled that I would find Eminem as my doppelgänger though it’s not looks we are talking about. His music and life that he welcomed you in to is full of darkness, drugs, slashing wrists, domestic violence, fame, children witnessing it all and begging for their dad to stay. It’s a massive chaos of this man’s life that all began as a young child being raised by a single mom in a rough neighborhood. His life story is full of pain, some cringe at what he allows you to know and sing about. What he allowed his daughters to witness when he was grown. It’s a cycle that most children find themselves in, repeating the past of their parent(s) or and what they grew up to see.
You are wondering where am I getting at with this because you probably know Eminem and already know all this. Some may not. It’s the lyrics of his music that brings me full circle to my childhood and life as a grown woman. I’m not famous, I’ve never invited drugs and alcohol into my life or slashed my wrists. What I am guilty of is allowing my son to see the fights, yelling and altercations that took place between his father and I. We laid hands on each other, I never loose my cool to go that far but he knows how to push me and I allowed it. I can’t make excuses for what took place or how I handled the situations I found myself in because that is pointless. What I did was make a choice to change everything for me and my son. Eminem needed to make a change to put a roof over his children’s head and food on the table. He and I both wanted our cycles to stop of what we dealt with as a child and what we were allowing to take place as a grown adult being a parent ourselves.
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ABOUT ME
I have two dogs and a son. I'm a southern small town girl. I come from a big family and they are my biggest supporters. My family is persistent on me opening my own bakery. We will see if I can make that happen. I freelance write for Vocal Media. Be sure to click the link and and check out all my work.
I write about suicide awareness, love, relationships, death, being a mom, self love, abuse and life. I am always trying to improve and provide something interesting for you to read. I had so much darkness to consume me that I lost my faith and wasn't sure what to do anymore. I talked to one of my friends about my loss of faith and she said to talk to God.
I had a long conversation with him and I found myself turning to him more than ever. He put it on my heart to put my journey and his love into a book. He has a message for you and my book will be out in 2019. I am excited for how this book will turn out and I hope it truly helps.
I love to read, to write, cake decorate, bake, cook, take pictures, yoga and to inspire others. I am a college student two years shy of my Bachelor's Degree. The best lesson I've learned so far is that if you allow the darkness to visit, the stay will ruin you and your life. You must find the light, smile and enjoy each day.
Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.
