I’m a writer and for a while the faucet felt like it had been shut off. Not much to write about except some here or there. Tonight the faucet is on and the words are just there.
People feel like I overshare. That maybe I should be more private. That I should handle things better or do something different. Some believe I should be someone else. What I am sharing is something that is from the depths of my heart and hopes that something I say or do will impact you in some way.
Whether it be a different perspective or to be better or to simply appreciate the small things more. Today has been a day full of memories, tears held back, and appreciation for so much.
Six years ago my deceased sister brought my nephew into the world and we aren’t a part of his life not by choice.
I got my little man today and as we played, laughed, smiled and hugged I thought about so much. I gave him a bath and cleaned up the room and got his toys out to play. Everything laying in wait for when he exited the tub in hopes to bring excitement and joy to him. I told him I got a surprise for him and pulled out a Halloween Mickey Mouse pj outfit and he exclaimed in excitement!
Halloween socks and all his toys for him to bring his imagination to life. Making train sounds and getting mommy to play as well. He became tired and wanted to be held. We missed each other for our time seems to never be enough.
I carried my 31 pound son while he was dozing off to put dishes up. I had already swept, got trash together, put away food, mopped some, and got laundry in.
There was moments it felt like he went to sleep while I juggled tasks and carrying him. I took pictures of the toys he held on to and had moments of feeling like “Toy Story” wanting to hold on to Woody and moments of a little boy who loves Mickey, trains, cars, trucks and construction vehicles.
It all brought me back when I first became a mom and he was on my hip while I cooked non grease spatting food or anything that could splash and burn. Moments of trying to shower with a baby, having him on my hip to do laundry and try to wash dishes. Learning how to hold him and use my feet to grab something so he wouldn’t wake. The moments my food got cold because he came first or that my food became his while my belly growled. Moments of pacing the floor and singing him to sleep.
I packed all 31 pounds of him while I did my best to get laundry out, put a pillow in a pillow case because his pillow case needed to be clean. I gave up my pillow to lay him down to sleep while I felt the aches in my back and feet from it all. Trying to do my part around the house to help. To be the mom he needs me to be. To be a good friend, and a person.
Things have to wait when he needs you like when you are hungry or holding your bladder. My sister is consumed with the earth that now holds her body when she would love to be doing everything a mom does. It’s all exhausting and hard especially being a single mom but worthy if you truly honor the title of mom or dad.
I will never be perfect or fit into any molds people want of me. I am doing my very best to be a better person and mother each day. Trying to learn where I took the wrong turns and now to do better and be better.
I never imagined life being like it is or the challenges I face. I am forever grateful for the friends and family I have who; support me, encourage me, motivate me, tell me like it is, try to help me be better as well as their help with the single mom life.
Communication is key.
Friendships are a gift.
Being blunt and honest to help achieve better results is the best way.
Motherhood is a joy.
Trying to do better shows maturity and growth.
Reflecting helps you see where you have been.
Love will show you how much you can break.
Writing is healing.
My words are of truth from my heart because of a passion.