Mother‘s Day was pretty good over all. Being with Chandler would have made that complete. We went to fish trying to win a trophy. It was really cold in the low 30’s. I bundled up and relaxed. It was crowded and you was minimized to where you could throw your line out. Not my cup of tea. Boredom set in and I fell asleep.
Hours later I awoke and it was getting hot and more people came to join. Small pay lake and around 60 people. Then I got burned bad in the face and I looked like two face. One side burned the other side of the face not burned. We didn’t win any trophies but brought home catfish.
Then Mom and Dad comes to get me to eat with them. Being in a pandemic we could only pick up our food and go back to their house to eat. Finally got to see my brother Josh. So, it was a good day. My bestie Nikkie video chatted me which was special.
The only things that we couldn’t ignore was the pain we were feeling. The pain of not being with Chandler and my sister being gone. She loved being a mom and we don’t get to see her kids. I don’t get to see many of my nieces and nephews. It’s a pain that will always sting.
I‘m writing my sister’s story and that hasn’t been easy. I think about a lot. I question so much. Everyone gets to move on. They get to be happy. I wasn‘t good enough for anyone. I couldn’t be accepted for all of who I am and have the support to growing to a be a better woman and partner. I’m getting older and I’ve welcomed loneliness and not looking for happiness. My son is enough. We are just apart.
I often question why my sister and why couldn’t someone just love her and be good to her. It’s confusion at it’s best.
